We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize