meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
