oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize