you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
