Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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