Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
