Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
