Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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