That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
