Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
