got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
