There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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