just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
