i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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