oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
