It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
