Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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