his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
