Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
