Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think my moral compass just broke
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
