This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
