did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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