you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
