my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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