I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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