11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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