32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
