Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
