I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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