i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
