After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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