im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize