I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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