If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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