i already hear my dad disowning me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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