You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
