Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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