drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
