He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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