my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i was born a porn star she said
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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