then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
