i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
