you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
