You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
