I skipped work to stalk him.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize