Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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