nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
