try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
