hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
