I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
