When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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