I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
