The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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