I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
