Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
