So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
