Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
