I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
