On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
