Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize