Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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