she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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