for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize