He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
