they need to just BURY HIM!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
