all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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