She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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