Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
