looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
