I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize