You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've blown a few things in my day
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
