I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
